Last night hit me hard. I absolutely have incredible friends and love the little get togethers’ we have monthly- it’s wonderful to catch up, vent, laugh and eat delicious food. But as people we have changed. We have always been on different paths, for the first time I realized how far apart we are in our lives today, miles in my head. Talking marriage, weddings, school, etc., I was having a difficult time trying to relate and finding words to respond with. How long will conversations be this way? I don’t like it being this hard and difficult, but I should also clarify I couldn’t be happier to see them happy and I love my life…. But my only contribution to conversation was my pup, recent adventures to Nebraska and Kansas City and next year’s trip to Australia. And in those moments it was “we couldn’t afford to do that, we’re excited for you, take lots of photos (not that anyone has to ask me to do that)….” I can’t relate to the little annoyances in living with a spouse or the financial hardships, stats class and challenges they have with in-laws. Hell I haven’t been in a relationship in five years, I don’t understand the concept of relaxing weekends, travel as often as possible, seek adventure in every moment and breath I take, hardly feel the need to check my accounts before I make purchases or ….. Our lives are just going in different happy directions.
We will always be friends, we’ve got a strong bond and I know that if I ever needed anything they’d be there for me and I for them. These differences just made me wonder what the future holds for me, it’s not uncommon here recently between friends and family to ask if I want to be set-up on a date or if I still plan on getting married and having a family. I’ve actually become annoyed and bit sassy with my responses, who says one has to be married and having kids at 25? Not me! Don’t you dare put a time stamp on life events, especially for me! That ten year plan I came to college with is all gone- I’m night and day from that girl who first moved to Cape- the planner I once was still exists but I’m more loose, open and free, exploring life as it comes. But oh do I adore kids with all my heart and I’ve never not seen myself as someday becoming a wife and mom, and by all means there’s a lot of time for that to happen. There’s been gentlemen I’ve been interested in but content to remain friends, who wants to muddle with that mess anyhow?, and my heart has been focused on loving everyone, including myself that it rarely crosses my mind to see anyone as anything but a friend. Maybe that will change? I hope it does because one should only spend so many Friday’s watching rom-com’s and Hallmark movies. Change is the only constant in life, maybe I’ll still be having adventures in fifty years as the old concert and dog lady, or maybe I’ll have a husband, white fence and a couple of kids trying to figure out how to put through college. I’d be happy either way. And whatever results I know Katie and Annabelle, Jess and a few others will be there for me through it all. Even when conversations become untrelatable. I’m a lucky girl and I say it often but I very much love this beautiful life I have.
Have a lovely weekend full of everything you enjoy and adventures my friends!